If Only
by Kitsuko-san
Summary: For a while there was only her and there was only him. For a while there was only them. And for them the simple melody of lovers was enough, though torn by sorrow and hardship. On Hiatus until further notice.
1. Prologue: If Only I

Disclaimer: I don't own FFX. I mean, if I did, wouldn't I have just made the story this way? So would I even be writing this if I did own it? Didn't think so. And this is the only disclaimer I'm giving. I shouldn't have to repeat the fing obvious! Thank you.

AN: Hello! Well, this started as a pet project for me late one May evening, as I sat and pondered why there are little to none of the pairing I am focusing on in this fic. I'm not saying what it is though, because A) The prologue is in first person B) I'm a bitch and like to torment the readers and C) The prologue reads better if you don't know the pairing. The hint though, is that the prologue is in the POV of a girl! So I'll leave it at that.

I was frustrated that I've only seen one fic with this pairing, and was discussing it with a friend, who told me to, and I quote, "Write one your damn self if it pisses you off so fing much! Just stop your bitching already!" And so, this fic was born.

Much thanks to Brie, my good, friend who urged me to write this. :snuggles hard:

On with the damned story though!

Thanks for reading!

-Kitsuko

Oh yeah, and note, the first four sentences are in third person! 

Another note! The paragraph that is between asterisks, like so, is not my own work. That is a reference to Jaina and Arafel's Daily Special, a one-shot Trigun PWP fic located on www. Mediaminer. org be sure to take out the spaces:mutters: Stupid FFN... that I love. I want them to be accredited with that, though I have paraphrased, I don't want a mass of you telling me I have plagiarised their fic. So I'm crediting them now.

If Only Prologue--If Only I… 

For a while there was only her and there was only him.

For a while there was only them.

And that was enough; the simple melody of lovers, though torn by sorrow and hardship, in their dreams and hearts they pictured a life together, even as the crying rang through sleepless nights and beliefs were shattered and spread upon the wind's gentle tendrils. And at the end, they both had one thought: "If only we could be together a little longer..."

**-------**

We knew it could never last with us, but passion is so very hard to deny, and neither of us were strong enough to do that, despite the way the others looked up to us for support and a way to act in the midst of the suffering of our group.

Yevon knows I tried to fight it. I told myself that he wasn't interested, and that he didn't feel the same. But he did. I think maybe this would've been eaiser if I had been right and if he hadn't reciprocated my feelings. So many nights of suffering wouldn't have happened, and my heart wouldn't have been sacrificed to the torture that followed when he left.

I find myself unsure of his emotions for me at times, and then will berate myself for ever doubting the things that he relinquished for me. I wish that he had been selfish, it would've been eaiser to hate him if he had been.

I think if I hated him, I wouldn't feel this way, but every time I try to force myself to loathe the being that he was, I find it impossible, and realize he was far to great a man to have such emotions bestowed upon his entity.

I was young...certainly not the youngest in the group, but at least I was far younger than him. I was a little on the naïve side of things, in a sense still waiting for my knight in shining armor to come, since I thought once that I had found him, although that fell through. And naïve as I was, he still saw me, and loved me, with everything that he was.

And I saw and loved him. It was strange, as inexperienced as I was, I still knew that I needed him, in so many senses of the word need.

I needed him spiritually, to complete my soul and fill the empty loneliness that often plagued me at night when I was attempting to sleep.

I needed him as a friend, to be my advisor and confidante. A man wise beyond his years, when I would sit and stare at the campfire as I pondered my miniscule dilemmas, for can I call them dilemmas with the problems that had haunted Spira for a thousand years, he would always have a kind and gentle word to help me figure out the solution. Granted, they weren't always delivered in the gentlest of ways; often I received them in the form of that ungraceful sweetness that one tends to find in six year old boys, he could still make me feel better.

And lastly, I needed him in the basest of ways, the animalistic desire that consumes men and turns their hearts blacker than a moonless night. To become one with him was always the most beautiful thing in Spira.

Our coupling had many personalities, sometimes being fast and playful; other times it was soft, slow and reminiscent of a lover's serenade; and sometimes sweet and passionate to the point of being choking. My favorite facet though, was always when we lost ourselves in the feel and beauty of one another; with sweet whispers of, "I love you," and, "I'll always need you; you complete me, my love."

He once told me that that was his favorite type of love-making as well. I remember the smile he wore on his face as he told me. It was the most exquisite thing I had ever seen.

He had smiled at me and said, "To be one with you...is an incredible feeling. I love basking in your scent and hearing you call out for me. It's the most phenomenal sentiment to ever be experienced by a man. I adore feeling that you love and want only me; honestly, you should place these emotions upon another. I'm so unworthy of your affections that you bestowing them upon me is the most incredible gift that anyone could give me."

In irony, though, _I_ was the one that felt unworthy. To have such a great man give me himself, and pledge undying ardor unto my personage felt like a blessing from the heavens themselves. I frequently told him that he ought to return to the nirvana from whence he came, as surely he must have been a fallen angel to bless me with his devotion and companionship.

When I told him that late one evening as we struggled to catch our breath after satiating our desire for one another, he just smiled and called me his seraph.

**-------**

I think I loved him from the first time I saw him; he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I don't say that meaning that he was feminine looking, though. He had an exotic, quiet intensity type of allure to him. He was, as I later began to affectionately call him, man-pretty. His masculine features were only accented by the slightly feminine lines of his jaw, with cheekbones high enough to make any girl jealous, but low enough that they reassured his masculinity.

I still miss him sometimes, although I shouldn't. Our time together passed, and I knew it would be unfair to ask for more, as much as I wanted to have it.

So I never did ask. But now that I'm looking back on it, and now that he's gone, I find myself wishing that I had, because I keep realising there are so many things I left unsaid.

I know that he knew I loved him, but I wish I had said it to him more often. I usually reserved saying that for when we were making love, and for the last time I saw him, as he faded away. I whispered it to him as I had cried, and he had mouthed the words back to me.

I assumed that he was okay with me rarity of my expressions, but you know what they say about assuming. I never realised what a good man he was… Yuna is tuned into the fact that there was something between us, and I think that she deserves to know what two of her guardians went through. I guess that means eventually I'll have to tell her about the ordeal.

I don't really desire to do so, as it dredges up far to many painful memories. Although there were a lot of happy memories to go along with the painful ones, the hurt of his departure overshadows the felicity of his presence in my life. The elation that singularly is accompanied by sorrow was worth it though. I'd gladly take a lifetime of pain for just one more day of joy between the two of us.

To dance the lovers' dance with him just one more time would make me more exuberant than I had ever been before I had met him. To have his head rest on my stomach in the afterglow of spent passion as he pressed butterfly kisses to my flesh was pure bliss; to stroke his hair gently as I whispered my love for him was a unique euphoria that cannot be located again.

But Yuna deserves to know, more than anybody, and so I'll tell her, and everyone after that. I believe that Kimahri already knew, but I'll still tell. He also deserves honesty; after all that he did for the two of us, it's all I have left to give him in gratitude.

**-------**

And so, the story all started when I first met him. The sun was bright and cheerful amidst the panic and the dangerous silence that followed… and I saw him for the first time, and fell in love.

**-------**

End Prologue 

AN: Well, that's the prologue! Another hint has arisen, this fic isn't about Yuna! Good thing too, I really dislike her, as she pisses me off all the time! So it's either about Rikku or Lulu. Let's see if somebody guesses it in their review. Anybody notice I'm hinting at people to review? Yeah, well, I am. So review. If you get it right, I'll dedicate the first chapter to you. If you get the paring, I'll declare you supreme ruler of Rubber Ducky Land! Oh, yeah, I need a beta, folks! Apply in a review if you'd like to beta for me! Another review hint folks. Do it. Review. Or I'll have the hamster patrol of Cheese World Beta 9 trample you with their banana stallions. Do it! Till next time!

-Kitsuko


	2. Hadn't Left Home

Hello all! Thanks for reading! This is my first attempt at a Final Fantasy X fan fiction, so here's to hoping it goes well!

-Kitsuko

**If Only**

**Chapter One--Hadn't Left Home**

"Lulu! We're going to the tavern for a few minutes!" Tidus' voice rose above the loud chatter of the Luca blitz stadium.

"What? Why? You know that Wakka needs you in the game." If Lulu's voice sounded like she was tired, it was because she was anxious to leave the hustle of Luca for the familiar small-town comfort of Besaid Village.

After two other pilgrimages, she was tired of dawdling about the entire journey. This would be her most painful voyage, and she wanted to make it as quick as possible. Much like a bandage, it was less painful to so it quickly than to let a bond form to make the removal more difficult. Lulu was just ready to let Yuna make her decision and sacrifice herself for the good of Spira.

"But Lulu!" Tidus' voice switched to the annoying whiner that she despised in an attempt to persuade her to allow them to go. "We heard that Au--uh, Sir Auron might be at the tavern. Yuna and I want to go and check to see if he's really there. It'd be really nice to see him again, and ask if he knows what the hell's going on with me and my Zanarkand."

Lulu let out an aggravated sigh and raked an unsteady hand through her bangs. "Fine. Go. But hurry back. If you miss the game, I'll send a hundred fire spells crashing down on your ass."

"You'd hurt Yuna?" Tidus seemed to be challenging her authority over him as a veteran guardian and his elder.

Again, Lulu released an irked sigh. "I said _your_ ass. Not hers. I'd never hurt Yuna and you know that. However, I have no qualms with kicking your ass thoroughly. And I'm not in a good mood today, so don't test me."

A nervous chuckle escaped Tidus. "Heh--yeah, you weren't joking, were you? Er, yeah, because you don't look like you're joking, and I'd rather not find out if you were."

Lulu merely glared at him _Does it **look** like I'm joking, you idiot?'_ Unconsciously, an angry growl escaped her throat. She closed her eyes and practiced the motions of her most basic spells--a simple calming gesture she often used to relieve tension.

"Just go, Tidus--and hurry back, or you're going to be one crispy blitzer." Lulu watched the two walk away hand in hand felt something tug at her heart. _It's the loneliness again... it happens so frequently nowadays.'_ Ever since Chappu's death, she'd felt a poignant pain stabbing her whenever she saw what she couldn't have ever again. _I'm past marrying age; no man will want me for anything more than his whore. And I refuse to stoop so low as that.'_ As independent as she was, she wanted somebody to be there for he like Chappu used to be for her.

_It's been so long since I've seen anybody so close to me in love. I want that again.'_ She felt her eyes begin to tear up, but again went through the gestures of her simplest spells and shook her head to clear away the dark thoughts.

"Kimahri think," The deep bass of Kimahri's voice startled her out of her musings. "Kimahri think that Lulu should not be sad when she see lovers. Love will come soon for Lulu. Lulu deserve it for all she go through. Never does anything for herself, and so love will come soon since Lulu has done nothing but work. Work hard, get wonderful rewards."

Lulu blushed at his intuition. _How does he always know these things. Whenever I think about my love life, or lack thereof, he always knows that's what I'm thinking about.'_ She turned to look at the Ronso and gave him a questioning look. He merely blinked in response.

"Thank you, Kimahri. But I'm not sad. I was just remembering something that happened between Chappu and I when he was still ali-when he was still in Besaid with us." It took a lot for her to admit he was really dead. Lulu was lying through her teeth, and she could only pray to Yevon that the Ronso didn't pick up on it.

"Kimahri know Lulu still miss Chappu. Wakka, Yuna, even Kimahri still miss Chappu." His tail twitched sporadically as he spoke, a flick of it punctuating every couple of words.

A shrill whistle broke their attention from the solemn conversation, and they both turned to the direction from whence the noise came. Another whistle, much weaker and slightly breathy followed, with several more breathy attempts following.

Lulu looked relieved when no signs of panic could be seen. _Thank Yevon. It was just a whistle. I was worried it was a cry for help or something.'_ Years of Wakka breaking bones blitzing and Chappu nearly killing himself exploring Besaid Island had made her more than a little paranoid. She was also the caretaker of sick children who came to the temple after their healing, so every little thing made her think somebody might be dying.

Paranoia was a part of her life well instilled by Chappu's death, because her instincts always knew when something was wrong--which was very often. She had known something was afoul when he had joined the Crusaders, and had hesitated to mention her concerns. His death told her it was best to voice that she had a bad feeling about something.

Kimahri looked at her, again blinking slowly. "Whistle strange. Kimahri think we should investigate. Kimahri want to make sure things are okay."

She smiled--or rather, did the closest thing to a smile that she gave these days--and patted his arm. "It's probably nothing. I don't have a bad feeling about it, so we'll be fine. Hey, Kimahri, can I ask you a question?"

In typical Kimahri fashion, he stared for a few seconds. "Lulu just did."

She stared agape at him. _Did he just make a **joke**? Oh my Yevon, he did. Kimahri made a joke. Will wonders never cease?'_ She sighed again. "Kimahri do you really think Sir Auron is here in Luca?" The blitzball game pre-show began, filling all the sphere screens around the ports and stadium.

"Kimahri not know. Is possible. Sir Auron called dead though. No one see him in long time. Not make sense why he come here now. But could be him. Could also be look-alike or imposter. Nobody know unless Tidus and Yuna find man." He blinked owlishly and twitched a bit as if he knew something she didn't.

"Lulu! LU! Yuna's GONE! She's gone!" Wakka ran up to her panting heavily and resting his hands on his knees.

"Lulu, Yuna's been kidnapped." Tidus looked frantic as he spoke, and seemed to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Wakka filled the rest of them in on the situation. "It's the damned Al Bhed. They want us to throw the game for them! And if we don't-"

"If we don't, they're taking her with them," Tidus interrupted Wakka. "How can the Al Bhed do this?"

"It's easy. They're damned heathens." Wakka's voice was full of acridity towards the Al Bhed.

"ENOUGH, WAKKA!" Lulu cut through the anxious overlapping of their group's voices. Wakka could still be heard muttering a few choice phrases, along the lines of, 'Damned heathens' and 'sacrilegious bastards.'

"Wakka, did I not say enough?"

"Sorry Lu."

"We need a game plan. Anybody got one?" She made a sweeping motion with her hands, as if asking for donations of plans.

"I've got one. We rescue her while Wakka plays in the game, and stops the Al Bhed from winning. We can do it if we hurry, and if Wakka keeps the team playing hard." Tidus put his hand in the center of their circle. "Who's in?"

Wakka was the first to put his hand in. "Alright brudda! We can do this, ya? We just gotta play hard. We'll do our best, ya? You go get Yuna."

Kimahri was next. "Kimahri come with Tidus and Lulu. Save Yuna. Wakka win game. Is good plan."

Sighing, Lulu put her hand in as well. "Looks like it's time to play hard ball with the Al Bhed. Let's do this!"

Tidus smiled a little as years of being a blitzer came back to him. "Go on three. One, two, th-" He cut off and gulped as Lulu glared at him severely.

"Not a chance in _hell_, Tidus. Let's just go." She pointed viciously in the direction they would be heading.

He gulped again. "Yes, ma'am."

And off they went to save their summoner. Wakka veered to the right the right to the Aurochs' locker room, and the rest to the left to the Al Bhed's docks.

**-------**

The fight with the Al Bhed seemed to go eaiser than Wakka's game with them. Once Lulu had realised it would be smarter to use her black magick to recharge the crane, the battle took all of ten minutes.

Wakka, however was taking quite the beating in the blitz sphere. After a particularly nasty hit, he seemed to be clutching his sides in pain. They rushed into the blitz sphere to the front seats and made sure that Wakka could see that they had Yuna with them, and that she was indeed safe and sound.

He smiled, gave a wave and a thumbs up, and directed the Aurochs. The last goal was made just as the second half buzzer sounded, and Wakka passed out as the announcer proclaimed the Aurochs the winners.

"Unbelievable Bobba! The Aurochs' first win in years! They're going to the finals against the Luca Goers! THE AUROCHS WIN!"

"Yes, and the teams will take a short break and then the finals of the Yevon cup will take place. Until then, have a nice day, folks."

END CHAPTER ONE

Kitsuko: There ya have it. It's about... drum roll LULU! So, if ya get the pairing, I'll be mighty proud of you and dedicate the second chapter to you! Remember, the button is there to get reviews, so get with the clicking and make the button--and me--happy by submitting a review!


	3. Ego Stroking and Blitz Tournaments

This chapter is dedicated to Rollercoaster217 for two reasons. Rollercoaster217 A) got the pairing before anybody else. B) wrote me the sweetest review! Thank you! You made my day and put a nice big smile on my face. And here's your highly anticipated chapter!

**If Only**

**Chapter Two: Ego-Stroking and Blitz Tournaments**

The group burst into the locker room and shoved aside the Aurochs.

"Wakka, are you alright?" Yuna's voice was filled with panic as it seemed that several of his ribs had shattered, and the boots of the other teams had broken the skin in multiple places.

"Yu... na... I'm... okay. Just need... a nap, ya?" A weak chuckle followed, although he broke into a series of coughs and moans of pain.

Lulu saw how much effort he put into speaking and masking his pain and took charge again. "Yuna. Do your healing magick. Tidus, get the supply bags and give him a couple potions. Wakka, I'm sorry, but it seems that you won't be able to play."

"But Lulu, he's gotta play!" Lulu had expected protests from Wakka and the Aurochs, but Tidus was the only one who complained. "He took the team to the finals, he should play."

The Aurochs all shook their head, Botta taking a voice for them. "No, brudda. If he plays like this, he might get killed, ya? The Goers play hard, and they'd tear him to pieces in this condition. We gotta think of what's best for the team _and_ Wakka, brudda. Besides, you get a chance to play now, ya?"

"I... I can't guys. It brings back too many memories from home." As he spoke--in a broken voice with rather misty eyes--he and Yuna did the tasks that Lulu had assigned to them. "Wakka, man you gotta sit up so I can give you these potions."

Letty helped Wakka sit up a bit and held him there as Tidus poured the potions down this throat. "Tidus, you gotta play, brudda. We don't have anybody else." Letty used a lecturing tone.

"I said no. I can't." Tidus sighed and exited the locker room.

Lulu walked over to Yuna and whispered to her. "Ask him to do it, Yuna. He would for you. You just need to ask."

Yuna nervously tucked her hair behind her ear. "Well, alright, I guess," she said.

**-------**

"Tidus, please! If not for Wakka, then do it for me." Yuna grasped Tidus' arm, pressed herself into him and gave him her best puppy eyes. "It'd mean the world to me if you did."

Tidus being a man, and Yuna being a girl, and being pressed against him, and giving a good view of her chest to him, gave in. "Alright. I'll do it for you, I guess."

At that time, ladies outside the Aurochs' locker room gave choruses of "Aww..." and "Why don't you say stuff like that to me, dear?"

Both Tidus and Yuna blushed profusely and rushed back into the locker room.

**-------**

Tidus walked over to where Wakka was resting on a bench and the two muttered amongst themselves for a short while.

"Well, Cap'n, what'll it be?" Datto asked.

"Tidus, you gonna be our man?" Keepa pushed Datto aside and pulled Tidus closer to themselves.

"Yeah. I'll do it." He stared at Yuna, as if saying, _I'm only doing this for you.'_

**-------**

The Luca Goers were a vengeful sort of people. If one does anything to make them lose face, they shall be subjected to their wrath until they are satisfied that they have gained repentance for their temporary lapse in dignity.

The Besaid Aurochs were regarded as a bit of a joke in the Spira Blitz Circuit. With a motto of "Let's do our best!" when all the other teams played to win at any cost, that was a mildly unavoidable thing. Not a single game had been won by the Aurochs in nearly two decades.

The Aurochs receiving a place in the finals of the Yevon Cup against the Goers was a major blow to the pride of a certain Luca-indigenous team. We have a saying: "Heaven hath no punishment like a lover turned to hatred, nor hell any fury like a woman scorned." In blitzball, the teams all have another saying. "Hell hath no fury like a Goers player scorned."

And every member of the team was most definitely scorned.

**-------**

Although none of the Besaid blitzers was beaten quite as badly as their captain had been, they were all certainly bruised, battered and sore from their lengthy bout with the Al Bhed team. Tidus was the only player who seemed vaguely energetic, although it seemed his jumping about was caused more by nerves then an excitement to get in the blitz sphere again.

Performing his pre-game ritual of leaning back and closing his eyes--though he preferred to be closer to the water when doing so--he heaved a great sigh and came to a conclusion that it was his responsibility to assume the role of the captain. _Given Wakka's current unconsciousness, it's a bit necessary to do so.'_ Handsome as the red-haired player was, he wasn't particularly useful laying on a bench in the center of the locker rooms silently and completely unaware as to the going-ons of the room.

Tidus stood and prepared to give a motivational talk to the men to prepare them for the potential ferocity of their opposing team. "I have a feeling that the Goers are gonna be brutal out there, gentlemen," he opened with. Heaving another sigh, he continued. "Unfortunately, we're not in the proper shape or condition to handle whatever they may or may not dish out."

Several groans escaped from the group huddled around him. "This is supposed to be helping us, brudda? You're basically telling us that we're awful," Jassu shouted as several rounds of agreement circulated the players.

"Nice way to tell us we have no chance of winning Tidus." Datto's voice was slightly whiny--perhaps because he too knew of the slim chances the Besaid team had of surviving.

Tidus rolled his eyes and decided to take the approach his coach back in Zanarkand used to use--pure anger and force. He channeled his anger at Sin into his voice and started up again. "Shut up men! I'm not finished talking!" His voice came out as a harsh, barking explosion that startled the occupants of the room.

Yuna could be seen in a corner, attempting not to laugh; she eventually failed in that quest and fell over in a fit of giggles at the dazed expressions of disbelief harboured by the Aurochs.

Tidus winked at her over his shoulder discreetly and turned back to his teammates. "Now men, You don't talk until I'm finished. And I wasn't done. So shut up and let me speak! THANK YOU! Now as you know, the Goers are most likely livid at the fact that they will be playing a so-called team of 'wash ups'--not that we are. We're an A-Plus team, especially with me helping you out."

Yuna made slashing motions at her throat to him and shuffled over to whisper to him. "Enough with the ego trip, Tidus. Just motivate them already." She rolled her eyes and adopted a sarcastic tone. "Yes, yes, you're a good player, we've heard all that before. You're fabulous, and this team relies on you. We're a bunch of no-talent hacks without your almighty presence gracing us. Thank you for honouring our little group of nobodys with your incredible amount of charisma and ability." She rolled her eyes once more and returned to her usual gently tone of voice. "Have I stoked you ego enough?"

Tidus gave her one of his swoon-worthy smile and kissed the top of her head. "Yes, thank you. Go on back to your corner now, dear. Remember, women are to be seen and not heard! Stand there and look pretty for me!" Neatly avoiding the smack that followed his statement, he turned back to the Aurochs and ignore the questioning stares he received.

"Now, ahem, where was I? Ah, yes. You're one heck of a team. Sure, we're in a bit of second-hand shape at the moment, but that doesn't mean we can't play our very best. It'll be rather tough, given how awful we all feel, but we're gonna go out there and attempt to school them on how to play blitz as best we know how. We play to win... but if we don't, trying our best is good enough." It wasn't the most inspirational of speeches, but Tidus never was too good with words. In fact, this was a rarity--something where he didn't get knocked unconscious by his angry listeners.

"Yes sir!" the unanimous cry of the Aurochs startled Lulu out of the light doze she had slipped into leaning against the wall. She stood and stretched, trying to ease the tension that had come from sleeping in such an awkward position. _Great, now I have a kink in my neck. This is just lovely, I so needed this right now.'_ She shuffled toward the door massaging the back of her neck, only to be caught by the elbow by somebody.

Looking up, she saw Tidus' face, and unusually humble look resting upon his normally smug features.

"What is it, Tidus?" She was a little cranky from just waking up, it seemed. "I'm sorry, that was rude of me." Lulu shook her head to clear up the last remnants of sleep from her brain. "Can I help you with something, Tidus?"

He gave another fan-girl smile--his blitz player years made them the only smiles he knew how to do anymore--and nodded. "Yeah, I wanna talk to you. Do you have a minute?"

She also nodded and motioned for the Aurochs--who were watching their exchange in complete rapture--to exit the room and give some semblance of privacy. Lulu then pulled a hand through her bangs and turned back to the blonde man behind her. The Aurochs filed out grumbling, obviously thinking they would miss a deviated moment.

"So yeah, Lulu..." Tidus' voice had grown unnaturally shaky. "Thanks, uh... for making me do this. Playing in the game, that is." He ambled over to her sheepishly.

A puzzled look flitted across her visage. "I'm not making you. Why would you think that I am?" Lulu tilted her head to the side, a childhood habit of confusion that she hadn't quite broken as she had matured.

Tidus smiled quickly and pulled her into a one-armed hug. "Indirectly, you are. You told Yuna to ask me, and so in a sense, you're making me. But thank you. This is what I needed to... get back to myself, you know?" He planted a sloppy kiss on her cheek and his smile widened at the gaping stare she bestowed upon him.

Once again, he assumed his "authority figure" pose, a cross between a stern look and crossed arms that made Lulu roll her eyes. Tidus wasn't particularly capable of harbouring a look of tyranny for more then a few moments without becoming far too unconvincing in his efforts. In a way, it was similar to making an adorable puppy try to be cruel. The outcome was generally cuter tan before and far more humourous.

Tidus walked out into the hallway, where the team was huddled around the door--_As expected,'_ Lulu thought--and stared down the men. "Let's go out there and fight! Hands in," he commanded, placing his hand in the center of the circle. The rest of the Aurochs followed suit and smiled. "Victory on three."

"One, two, three."

"Victory, Victory, VICTORY!" The shouts could be heard down the corridor.

Tidus smiled even harder. "LET'S FIGHT WITH ALL WE'VE GOT!"

**-------**

And fight they did. 'Twas a valiant battle, where the dragon that was the Luca team was battled in a manner where neither group was the victor. The brave knights that were the Aurochs could not penetrate the hide that was the dragons, whilst the dragons couldn't penetrate the armour of Besaid. And so it went into the first half with not a single score on the board. Due to this lack of action, the crowd grew restless and called for Tidus' expulsion from the game.

Much to their delight, however, he was replaced by Wakka in the second half. His struggle to commit to the second half of the game was quite admirable, as he had to adopt a lazy free-handed to accommodate his newly healing ribs.

**-------**

With twenty second left in the game, Wakka got the ball on the blitz-off.

"Bobba, this is incredible! Wakka throws to Datto!"

"Yes, this game is heating up!"

"Datto evades a tackle from Bickson and passes to Wakka!"

The crowd screamed as Wakka skirted around a confrontation with Balgerda and stopped in front of the Goers' goal.

"He's gonna do it! He's gonna score! The ball sails into the net! Wakka scores! Wakka scores! The only goal of the game. And with five seconds left, it's impossible for the Goers to score, making overtime non-existent!"

"Bobba, the Aurochs are gonna win the Yevon Cup!"

"Five, four, three, two, one! There's the buzzer, end of game, folks. THE AUROCHS WIN!"

And win they did. For the first time in his life--though certainly not the last--Wakka became a hero. He was a hero to small children, middle-aged workers, and blitz players all around. He brought a rinky-dink team into the glow of victory. Wakka was a hero. And he liked that feeling.

**-------**

As the blitz team swam to the edge of the pool, spectators began to scream. The blitz sphere was filled with fiends! Tidus and Wakka shared a grim look. Both had one thought: _How do we get into these messes?'_

END CHAPTER TWO 

So, what'd ya think? Review and tell me, everyone! This was a fun chapter for me to write, especially the, "Go on back to your corner, now, honey," line. That was endlessly amusing to me, I still chuckle when I read it. This chapter had far more humour than the first did, that was about ten time more emotional and such. And what can I say, I like writing humour, so this chapter was great for me. Remember to review! It does a body good::cheesy commercial smile:

-Kitsuko


	4. Enter the Desirable Hero

Hello all! This chapter is dedicated to NeoMatrix666-Known to me as Christina-for her wonderful review. You threatened to become an update whore, how sweet! You made me smile, and made my day. Plus she gave me a few of the Hellsing soundtracks, which I have been writing this entire fic to. Still on the lookout for a beta! If interested, please say so in a review. Thanks!

-Kitsuko

**If Only**

**Chapter Three: Enter the Desirable Hero**

Tidus grabbed his sword from next to him in his seat in the stands and dove into the pool. He took it upon himself to distract the fiends while Wakka got the rest of the Aurochs out of the sphere.

Wincing as a fiend gave him a particularly large bite on the shoulder, he shook it of and headed to where Wakka was fighting off a group of three piranhas. The aquatic creatures he had been attempting to ward off looked dazed as he swam away, and he was hopeful that they would wait a while before pursuing him.

"Wakka! Hold on!" Unfortunately, Tidus' shout caused Wakka to turn his head, and at that moment two of the piranhas attacked him, taking chunks out of the flesh on his torso and back. _'AGH! Damn me and my big mouth, I should've just shut up,' _Tidus cursed himself silently. Pulling a hi-potion from his pack, he tossed it onto Wakka and watched in amazement as the pieces of missing tissue regenerated at a rapid speed.

"Thanks brudda...although them gnawing on my bones was sorta your fault to begin with." Wakka's voice sounded tired, and it was obvious that although the skin and muscle he had lost had reconstituted, he was still in a massive amount of pain. Having that kind of spontaneous healing after grave injuries would have that kind of effect on a person, though.

Tidus rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, and his cheeks coloured faintly. "I'm...I apologize. I'm new to this whole battle thing. You know that." He cursed inwardly as another fiend chose to attack him.

Wakka gave him a dirty look and turned back to the piranhas. With a decisive '_SMACK!_' the last of the vicious fish disintegrated into swarms of pyreflies, and he shifted a glance towards his partner. "Battling isn't the time to be having a heart-to-heart, brudda. Fight now, talk later, ya?"

Tidus gave him a nod, indicating that he was on the affirmative side of that statement and swiped at the malicious group that had decided to finally follow him. '_Not the most intelligent creatures if they wait ten minutes to follow, are they,'_ he asked himself. However, when one got an especially cunning stab at the spot inside of his elbows, he rethought his analysis of the beasts. _'Okay, maybe they're a little smarter than I estimated. I stand--er, swim--corrected.'_

**-------**

When the last of the water-dwelling fiends had been disposed of, Wakka and Tidus jumped out of the sphere to handle the fiends perusing the stadium. Water-logged injuries made them feel sluggish, and they both knew they would need sleep immediately after finishing the battle.

Shaking water off themselves in a manner resembling that of dogs, the two blitzers eyed each other in silent agreement that held only one meaning: _'First aid. **Now**.'_ Each pulled a hi-potion out of their side packs and swallowed the contents; the sighs of relief were in unison as the cooling sensation spread through their extremities.

Feeling lighter and more energized, both left their places at the sphere side and adopted a lazy strut that allowed them to both hurriedly reach their destination and allow their injuries and tender skin relax. Tidus stretched quickly in a cat-like fashion, taking off a little after Wakka and falling into a steady pace holding up the rear.

Heading towards where Yuna, Kimahri, and Lulu rested, Wakka was forced to stop in his tracks when a large dragon-type beast blocked his path. _'Dammit, isn't there an end to these fiends?'_ An irritated growl escaped him as he pulled his blitzball from where it rested underneath his arm. "Time for work, ya? A guardian's job is never done..."

Tidus smirked at him, conveying without words that he was ready to kick some fiend ass. "Wakka, that hide looks thick; it might be hard to penetrate with just your ball alone. I might need to-"

"I know, brudda. Do a little slice 'n' dice to get this thing started." Wakka voice cut off Tidus' speech; his accent laid heavily on his words, as it often did when he was angry.

"That... won't be necessary." A condescending, gravelly voice full of mature experience lifted Tidus and Wakka from their strategizing. Both turned hastily in surprise to locate the source of the statement, wondering who would be so assured of himself during battle.

However, neither could contain their shock as they matched the words to an owner.

**-------**

From the distance, Lulu later reminisced in her journal, it looked like a scene from the romance novels she occasionally--and secretly--indulged herself in during slow periods at the temple.

A bright sun shone in the backdrop, clouds of pyreflies flitting towards the horizon majestically. A gentle breeze blew, making the ends of his cloak flutter and dance in the in a graceful way. The deep crimson stood out from the dull grays and serene blues of the atmosphere of the Luca Blitzball Stadium, drawing attention to the warrior, commanding authority over all saw him. With a katana hefted over one shoulder, and his graying hair flowing down his back from its restrain, she was left breathless.

The man she had always imagined whisking her away from her mundane island life into the sunset seemed to be compiled into a single entity, all masculine beauty and raw power displayed by his stature.

Spectators would remember years later that the scene was something that filled them with awe and wonder, an incredible mix of faerie tale and heroism that left them dumbfounded and frozen. It was surely a sight that people would tell their children about late at night when they asked for just one more bedtime story.

But that was the way the desperado would've wanted it to be.

**-------**

He had heard from the waitress at the pub in the center of town that a young man with blonde hair had been looking for him; he instantly knew who she spoke of. '_If I'm not mistaken, it seems that she might fancy him.'_ Indeed, the waitress giggled and blushed as she spoke of this mysterious seeker of him. '_I'll have to speak to the boy later about that.'_

A smirk planted its way onto his expression as he watched the bartender refill his saké jug; he turned quickly to the cheers of the room to study the screen that hung above him. As expected, the boy was playing blitzball. '_Does he know how to do anything else?_' A rhetorical question, really, as he knew the answer already.

Auron took a swig from the jug and exited the tavern, loathing the noise and bustle that inhabited the bar. He reveled in the way the alcohol burned on its course down his throat, as it was one of his few reminders that he was still close to being alive. _'I suppose that I should head to the stadium to speak with the boy after the game. And then I'll be bombarded with obnoxious questions like: **'Auron? Where the hell have you been? What the hell is going on?'** I suppose I could play dumb.'_

Auron smirked again, an image not full of patronisation so much as tender affections and memories. _'Just like his old man, that one. Quick to anger, easy to distract, and slow to catch you in a lie...it's a shame he hates Jecht so much, considering how alike they are. I suppose Jecht was hard on the boy. It is terrible, though.'_ Though a stoic being, Auron was prone to sentimentality when he drank. _'Who am I kidding? That's all I do, besides smirk and reminisce.'_

He ambled slowly towards his destination, not in any hurry for a confrontation between himself and his young charge. Auron knew that a tongue-lashing would readily assault him once he arrived. _'I imagine that he'll have met Braska's daughter, then, if he's playing for the Besaid team. Hopefully his ego doesn't get in the way, I know how he gets sometimes.'_

After the boy's mother had passed, Auron had appointed himself as guardian and many years led him to well learn the small habits and mannerisms Tidus manifested. As kind as he was, he had a tendency to be a little vain--rightfully so, though, what with his talent for the game his father was famous for.

Such a long time as a foster parent had led him to worry about the well-being of the boy, and Auron had begun to think of him as a son. As much as he hated to admit it, he was curious to see how Tidus had managed on his own. Still young, and barely a man, Tidus wasn't quite the epitome of responsibility or maturity.

'_I guess I'll find out how he's been doing soon enough,'_ Auron thought as he readjusted his blade on his shoulder, nudged his glasses farther up his nose, and entered the stadium.

**-------**

The last thing the ex-guardian expected to hear in Luca were blood-curdling screams and the steady rhythm of pounding feet as people fled the arena. And yet, here he was, listening to those very things. It was disconcerting to realize that he himself was bewildered. Auron had prided himself on having a unruffled aura about him, and was exceptionally proud of this lack of surprise for whatever the gods had thrown his way.

He sighed. Auron seemed to be doing that a lot lately. So often, in fact, he had lost count of how many times he had performed the act within the time span of a single day. _'It just never ends, does it? Once a warrior, always a warrior, I suppose. I do wish I could just retire from this wretched assignment, though. I do wonder if I was drunk when I made that agreement with Jecht.'_

He did a quick survey of the area, locating two very familiar figures in the panicking crowds. The first that was discernable was that of Tidus, looking very much the part of a guardian. The boy was climbing out of the water with a man with outrageously tall hair. _'How on Spira does he get it to stay like that? Hold on, Auron, you're getting off topic again.'_ Auron frequently suspected that he had problems due to his inattentiveness.

The other being that stood out was the form of a Ronso, a smaller one with a broken horn and a large spear in hand--er, paw. The lion-like beast was crouched defensively around a young woman, teeth bared and snarling at a flying attacker. The young woman, he recognized, was actually a grown-up Yuna. _'That's Braska's daughter! How the years have passed for her, eh? And is that...Kimahri Ronso? He stayed with her all these years?_

A stunning form stood out amongst them all, however, and left him standing stock-still for several moments. Shaking his head to assure that he wasn't hallucinating, he gaped at who was next to Yuna. The most amazing woman he had ever seen was positioned between the Ronso and the young woman, with a tiny moogle dancing on her shoulders and mimicking her actions.

Her arms--and those of the moogle--were raised in the salute of a black magic spell, the water loving beasts around her screeching as blots of lightning shot down upon them from the heavens. _'Who...is that woman? She's incredible. I have to know who she is.'_

Her dress, made of black leather and thick furs, clung to her lithe body like a second skin, each curve and dip in her form accentuated by the material's shape. The skirt was made of buckles and belts, giving the occasional glimpse of thigh and garter as she moved. A low-cut bodice was lined with a plush fur, showing a voluptuous chest and pale, unblemished skin. _'She's so flawless, she reminds me of the snow in Macalania.'_

Her hair was uncommonly long, pulled back and separated into braids that spilled down her back in cascading waves. Hair ornaments adorned her tresses, with rubies glinting from the center of the intricate metal work that composed the design.

The most intriguing part of her, was not her figure, but her eyes--or rather, her eye, as one was covered by her ebony bangs. The one left visible, however, was a beautiful shade of crimson and was narrowed in concentration as she battled the Zu. It was enticing, to say the least.

The delicacy and multitude of emotions and thoughts conveyed by it were alluring. The mystique and glamour that the bangs added to her image made him want to wrap her in his arms until he had discovered all of her secrets. Auron forced himself away from the path he had strayed on with a mental thwap. _'Where in the hell do these thoughts even come from?' _

Okay, so he was a hopeless romantic--he'd never actually admit that fact out loud, though_. 'Only I could walk into a mass attack on the Spiran people and find a woman to fancy.' _He really thought he was going mental. _'Does death make you insane? Does being unsent tun you into a raving lunatic?'_ If so, it would explain his internal struggles.

'_Auron, arguing with yourself is not healthy; it is a sign of serious illness and disability.'_ And with another sigh--goodness, he was doing that a lot--he headed off toward the boy. The gorgeous woman could wait--she'd still be amazingly beautiful in the end of it..

**-------**

As he approached, her overheard Tidus and Captain Hair--as he had taken to calling the strange man--making a strategy on how to defeat a particular beast. _'Ah, a dragon. They do tend to be armoured...and nice as that sword is,'_ its water-like appearance and slender design had him admiring it, _'It doesn't looks like the blade is quite sharp enough to pierce that hide.'_

"...Slice 'n' dice...started." The breeze changed, making it possible to only distinguish things every few words. He still had an idea as to what the conversation was about. He smirked--another thing he was doing a lot lately--and was glad he'd get an opportunity to work out his frustrations at being back in Spira.

"That...won't be necessary." As hard as he tired, Auron found it impossible to keep his smile out of his voice. Unfortunately, his voice came out sounding condescending--though he always like the way he felt when he was allowed to be cocky.

Tidus emitted small gasps, opening his mouth to say something, and each time closing it, obviously at a loss for the right words. Wakka, however, was a little more composed, bowing down on one knee and bending his head down in a show of respect.

"Sir Auron. It is an honor to speak with you. Will you help us fight the fiends, and then tell us of your travels?" Had the situation been a little less dire, his speech would have caused people to giggle from the over-dramatics it possessed.

If it wasn't such a dire time, he even could've laughed at Tidus' slack-jawed expression. _'For once he's speechless. I wonder how long that'll last. Knowing Tidus, not very long.'_

Even more humourous to him, was the Besaidian man's deep bow--he was nearly kissing the dirt-- and overly respectful speech. _'For God's sake, man. I'm a guardian, not Yu Yevon. Tone down the drama.'_

"Let's save the introductions and ass-kissing for later." Auron knew they were shocked at his of such casual--and vulgar--language, but overlooked it for the time being. "How about we just beat the shit out of these fucking beasts."

Tidus, after ten years with Auron, was used to that type of language. After all, he spent his days in locker rooms with grown men who liked to drink and curse. He smiled and nodded, readying his sword. Wakka, still in shock at having his hero be such a modest fellow, snapped back to attention when Tidus discreetly gave him a gentle nudge in the ribs.

"Huh? Oh, right. Fiends..." Wakka readied himself to launch an attack, but stepped back in awe when the dragon burst into pyreflies with a single slash by Auron. _'Whoa...'_ thought Wakka, a disbelieving chuckle rumbling deep in his throat.

A Zu, which surprised Auron, as they weren't native to Luca and Mi'hen, followed the dragon. When a hollow, metal clank resounded and echoed through the arena, all turned, stared, and gaped with open mouths. An aeon, somehow twisted from its intended appearance, but more beautiful than any other, was lifted out of a dark portal from beneath the Guado Maester.

Collective sighs and gasps were clearly audible, each person still in the stadium pausing and finding it to be a great and terrible beauty they had ever seen. A dark aeon it was a reptilian beast with thick, heavy wings wrapped around itself. The arms and wings were then bound with heavy chain, and as it attacked the fiends with magick, a bell-like tone was heard. It seemed to cry as it fought, though, for there seemed to be red trails flowing from its heavy-lidded eyes. _'It's crying...and it's crying blood.'_

Within a minute, each and every fiend was destroyed. All that was left as evidence that there had ever been fiends prowling about were the clouds of pyreflies rising into the sky and slowly fading. Being closer than he had initially realized to Yuna, Auron narrowed his eyes when he heard her breathe, "That aeon...such power...it was so beautiful."

Her staff in hand, it was obvious that the young summoner desired power such as that for herself. _'She obviously wants to be as potent a summoner as Maester Seymour.'_ Yuna slowly walked to Tidus, dropping her staff into the hands of the black mage Auron had earlier been in veneration of. As soon as she was close enough, she launched herself into Tidus' arms and curled into an embrace with him, tears streaming down her cheeks in dual paths.

"I...was so scared for you, dear." Yuna was breathing shakily, each word enunciated with a pause and a sniffle. I was afraid that you might be hurt, even killed." Her body shuddered in repressed fear and fading panic.

Tidus placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head and cuddled her into his arms. "I...was scared too." His voice was also thick with emotion. He sighed and buried his face in her hair, inhaling deeply.

Auron watched the scene with vague interest, aching a brow in silent contempt. _'What on earth did I miss? Actually, I know. He seems to have grown quite a bit in the couple of months since I saw him last.'_

Indeed the boy had gown, and for those who had known him back in his Zanarkand would have been shocked by the transformation.. Where a selfish, egotistical, immature boy had once stood, there was now a man who was kind, caring, and dedicated to those that he loved. A shiver ran though Auron's body when Braska's voice tolled through his mind, clear and crisp as a bell. _'Sound like anyone you know, **Sir** Auron?_' It was full of mirth and affection, making Auron long for the days when his friend was still alive.

Auron shook hi head to clear out the messages from beyond the grave and turned back to the motley group that had arranged themselves in front of him as he had contemplated. It was then he noticed that each person, save Tidus, was performing exaggerated bows, the prayer being presented to him repeatedly. _'Oh, I can't wait until they stop believing in Yevon. This kills me, seeing them performing a prayer to a sick and demented bastard.'_

He chose to simply ignore the minor annoyance and turned back to staring at the black mage that had already captivated him. Tidus noticed his piercing stare and decided that the time had come to help everyone get acquainted to one another.

"Ahm... Auron, I suppose you ought to get to know everyone." Tidus gestured in a broad circle to everyone huddled around him, and took to ticking off names as Auron shook hands with everyone. One by one, they passed. First Yuna, though he knew who she was. Then Wakka, with the ridiculous hair, and Kimahri Ronso.

Last, but not least, was the one person he really wanted to know. Tidus smirked as he saw Auron shake with anticipation.

"And this is Lulu, our black mage." Tidus smiled to himself as Auron eagerly hurried over to touch Lulu.

Auron's hands were shaking as he reached out, and the black mage delicately grasped his hand with finely manicured fingers. As she shook his hand gently, she raised her head to look into his eye, and they shared a heated glance that could say only one thing: _'I lust for you.'_

She smiled slightly and whispered softly to him. "It's a pleasure, Sir Auron. I hope we can be good friends." And with that, his desire to know and be with her, and his obsession for her, began.

END CHAPTER THREE

Well, that's all she wrote, folks! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, be sure to review, and if you'd like to be my beta, please say so in a review. (Yeah, make with the clicky-clicky on the review button.) This chapter was a lot longer than the others! I had fun writing it, though it took me a while to do, as I had some writer's block, beta'd for myself. Sorry it took so long! I hope you all like the aspects I added to Auron's personality, too. The next update might take a while, though, as my great-grandmother passed away the morning that I uploaded this chapter. I might have some family business to attend to, I'm not sure. Bye for now!

-Kitsuko


	5. Contemplation of Obsession

Hello all! Well, I had to go to a funeral, and had some personal stuff to deal with, but I'm back in black. (Sorry, AC/DC reference. :big sigh: I'm such a nerd. Oh well.) This chapter is dedicated to my great-grandmother, who recently passed away. Also dedicated to my sweetie. Without your encouragement, love, I'd never even bother trying to write! I owe it all to him. I'm still in desperate need of a beta, if anybody might be interested in doing it for me. Plus, I have also archived this fic on media miner. Org (Take out the spaces.) Now on to the story!

-Kitsuko

**If Only**

**Chapter Four: Contemplation of Obsessions**

After the incidents at the blitz game, it was glaringly obvious that everyone was anxious to leave. The place seemed to be a lure for danger, hysteria, and chaos--three things no sane person enjoyed.

Lulu grinned internally. _'Some good came of today, at least.'_ She fought to keep her gleeful expression off her face. The newcomer excited her, and made her antsy to be near him. Every time he was in the close vicinity of her, her body twitched with anticipation, wanting to feel his skin slide against hers, to have his arms hold her gently yet tightly. It was a somewhat familiar, somewhat new sensation that she readily welcomed into her world. _'I haven't felt this way since Chappu...hell, even Chappu didn't make me feel quite like this.'_

She had barely known the man half a day, and she was already fantasizing about luring the man into her boudoir, to have her evil way with him. She desired to gratify herself with him, and find the sweet abandon and release she had long denied herself after the loss of her previous lover. Merely glancing at Auron out of the corner of her eye sent her body into minute shivers, and sent the butterflies in her stomach racing. Seeing him look so assured of himself made her knees buckle under the intense flood of rapture and thrill it confronted her with. _'The man must be fifteen years my senior; there's no way he could harbour that type of desire towards some one like me. I'm so...naïve compared to him. So, inexperienced. He would never feel...attracted to me.'_

'_It's fun thinking about it, though. To imagine me being this fantastic specimen of a man's romantic interest. To be his lover, companion, and desired. Ah, to think of it. It's a beautiful thing.'_ Lulu felt foolish, mooning over a near stranger like a giddy school girl--she omitted the fact that she was a bit giddy, and that due to her continuing black magick training, she was indeed a school girl. Forced to grow up too fast, though, by the death of her parents at Sin's hands, it seemed that she was making up for lost time in her early adult years.

After their introduction, she had locked eyes with Auron and sent a discreet gaze filled with longing his way. She had bit back a squeal when she saw her sensual intimation reflected in his half-lidded eye. Though his face was weathered and scarred, he was still appealing to her--not a shock, as Lulu had never been particularly fond of overly pretty boys to begin with.

They were now trekking along the Mi'hen highroad, Sir Auron having been accepted as Yuna's latest guardian. Lulu and the man who had been invading her thoughts since their meeting were at the rear of the line, his katana in a relaxed position on his shoulder that could easily be translated to a defensive or offensive stance if necessary. She was also prepared for a skirmish at a moment's notice, as her bag was adjusted for easy access during spell-casting, and her moogle sat atop her shoulders occasionally rising to balance itself and do a little dance reminiscent of the cha-cha. It was a bit, childish, she realised, but the moogle dolls black mages used were a modified from of aeon, the spell being reminiscent of possession.

Upon completion of the basic black magick courses, each graduate received a spell that summoned a unique form of aeon into their dolls. Each mage had a special one, and as all aeons were different, all moogles were different. The personalities were clearly defined between individual mages, and the one she had been assigned by the temple was a very sweet, playful spirit with a child-like quality to it. It was one of the things Lulu had loved most about being a mage--the fact that although she used the same spells as all others, her moogle companion and its personality were entirely her own. It was something that couldn't be replicated, and would always be one thing that was solely and genuinely Lulu's, and no one else's.

She snorted as she realised the massive amount of travelers within their party--it was easily one of the largest around. _'We have to have set the record for highest number of guardians within a single summoner party. The biggest was...three guardians, I believe? And we're nearly double that!'_ There has to be something said for the sheer number of fighters in their group. _'If we're ever ambushed,'_ thought Lulu, _'we're not starved for people.'_

It perplexed her though. She wasn't sure what Yuna was thinking allowing so many people to accompany her. _'Yuna knows that the more people she befriends on the journey, the more she permits to b close to her, the harder it will be for her to let go and say goodbye when she sacrifices herself. I wonder why I never stumbled upon the fact that she's practically committing suicide.'_ It pained Lulu to know that the girl she knew and loved as a sister was so willingly allow herself to part with the world she had been acquainted with since childhood.

'_Why does it have to be so hard! It hurts so badly to know that she would so voluntarily leave me--I mean us--and Spira.'_ After Chappu had left her, and his responsibilities, so readily, and abandoned his family and future so guiltlessly to play hero, it was safe to say that she had complexes over being alone and having the ones she loved leave her. Then again, it was also safe to say that her life had a pattern--people she cared leaving her to go and save the world from evil and despair. It was a noble intention, but they always forgot the repercussions their exit from the lives of others would have. Was she not enough? Was that why they always left her in search of bigger and better things?

Running into the back of her latest flame with an audible "oof," she was startled when the corner of his eye crinkled in bemused affection at her. Lulu openly gaped and stuttered quandaries when Auron lifted the corner of his mouth in a gentle smile and brushed the dirt off her shoulders. "Be careful on these roads, if you don't pay attention, you might get hurt." His tone somehow wasn't patronising, just a simple warning a lover might give--like "Be careful on the way to work. I don't want you being injured. It would break my heart."

Auron then tilted his head in the direction that the rest of the assemblage was focused. A nearly ancient looking old man was conversing with Yuna and Tidus in excited, hushed tones, though Lulu wasn't so much interested in that dialogue as the one that Auron was attempting to iniate with herself. "Maechen. A Spiran historian. I remember him from Braska's pilgrimage." He cracked his neck and repressed a shudder--being unsent left him with constant chills. It was a major reason why he still indulged himself on sake--the alcohol made him feel warm.

Lulu's eyes widened marginally--though to the casual observer, the shudder would have been missed, her sharp eyes--which had been watching Auron in rapt attention--had caught it. It have such a stoic man who was normally so composed succumb to such a commonplace motion endeared him even more in her heart. It was yet another reason why she now constantly dwelled in the face of her psyche. _'May Zaon help me, I am so obsessed with this man.' _

She felt it was too soon. Could one really be this infatuated after such a short period of time? Could a woman so quickly be overwhelmed with desire for a stranger? _'I am turning into a harlot, a nymphomaniac.'_ Lulu couldn't really complain though. She enjoyed the onslaught of feelings she was suddenly experiencing as opposed to the frigidity she normally felt. She had been emotionally numb since Chappu's passing.

**-------**

After Chappu had informed her of his enrollment in the Crusaders, she had cried nonstop, and had refused to eat or sleep. He had expressed concern at how gaunt and pale she had become, but still left on the first available boat to Luca. When he had exited the isle, Lulu had stopped sleeping completely, because nightmares of Chappu dying had haunted her, and she would wake up screaming, tears flowing in steady trails down her cheeks, and her lungs burning with the effort to breathe.

The lack of rest and nourishment eventually led to her admittance to the medical wings of the temple, where she was given potions to induce dreamless sleep and chase away her terrors and apprehension. Though the droughts allowed her to sleep peacefully at night, she often suffered from panic attacks during the day, and was prone to fainting and blackouts. Then several months after her entrance in the medical wards, they stopped as suddenly as they had begun. It was almost as if a healing magick had been performed on her mind, causing her episodes to cease.

The depression had followed that. Extreme sadness and loneliness had besieged her, even though Wakka gave her constant companionship and support through the pain. He had not been hit as hard as she, for Chappu was his brother, and he understood the hero complexes that Chappu had held in himself, while Lulu was his lover, and only knew of that which he allowed her to see.

Once she had attempted to commit suicide, she had again been confined to the wards, all sharp and dangerous objects removed from her room, and she was kept under close surveillance. Not that that had stopped her endeavoring to kill herself. She had turned her own black magick against herself, first commanding her moogle to attack her--though it had refused to hurt its master--and then casting the spells herself. Finally, they had subdued her with sedatives, and watching her 24 hours a day.

Yuna had visited her every day, telling her little amusing stories about their childhood together, and carefully omitting any that had to do with Chappu. She had even brought her some spell books, teaching her new magick every day, and stitched together a new moogle doll, carefully weaving spells to enhance Lulu's black magick and spell casting. It was still one of Lulu's favourite moogles to use, increasing her stamina, magick strength, and making spells use less of her energy reserves.

It was very curious, however, that when she received news of her lover's death, she had become emotionally numb, not even grieving for the loss of her friend and partner. It was almost as if she had expressed all of her sorrows before Chappu had been killed, and even though she finally had a reason to miss him, she was unable. Lulu remembered the fact that she had sat awake in her room for two days after the notice had arrived, singing softly to herself as she read her spell books.

The villagers of Besaid were shocked when she didn't even shed a tear at the memorial service they held for their fallen hero, but had also strove to be like her. Young girls who had crushes on Chappu emulated Lulu's detached behaviour, her calm and unfeeling façade something they all idolised. Elderly women who had helped raise Chappu after the loss of his and Wakka's parents threw themselves into making trinkets to sell in Luca--they gave Lulu a portion of the gil, as she was considered his widow by them, even though she and Chappu were never formally married. And Wakka put so much effort into blitzball, that in no time flat he was promoted to captain of Besaid's team.

**-------**

Lulu had changed after Chappu--she had once been a lively, vibrant girl, often bringing joy to her neighbors, and regarded as one of the most cheerful and caring people around. When she was proclaimed better by the healers, she left as a very different person. She had stood on a ledge--the one where Chappu had first kissed her--over looking Besaid, no longer that sweet girl. She had transformed into a cold, bitter, and dark woman--seen by men as beautiful and mysterious, but viewed by women for what she really was--lonely and sad.

It was very obvious that she had separated herself from all but Wakka, sure that if she became attached again, she would be given nothing but heartbreak and angst. But in all honesty, she hurt herself more than any other human being could. That type of forced distance always ached the most, the utter loneliness and misery eating away at her soul until she had no more love to give. It was certain--she had not felt anything since Chappu. And she wasn't so sure she ever would again.

That was why a large part of her reveled in the vague nagging interest she felt towards Sir Auron, the legendary guardian. When one lacks feeling for such an intensely long period of time, to feel anything again--even if it was something as menial as lust--was something worth being excited about. For so many years, she had felt nothing but pain, and had forced herself to enjoy the pain itself.

It was why she had cut herself so much--if one looked at her inner thighs the scars and slash marks that marred her delicate skin stood as harsh reminders of her pain. She had cut herself, not because she enjoyed the pain--far from it, to tell the truth, as she had a low tolerance for it--but because she enjoyed feeling something again. Lulu had been so unhappy for so long that if pain was all she could feel, it would be something she indulged herself in.

She had been obsessed with the sensations; Lulu had been obsessed with how it made her feel. She had even been obsessed with the blood trickling down her pale skin, the contrast it represented. During the day, she was silent and unremarkable--much like her creamy white skin--and at night, when she cut herself, she was alive, and free--a stark red against her flesh. It was a reminder that she was still alive, and that she was still capable of feeling something, anything. To feel was to live, and to live was to die. And if she was slowly killing herself, she had always thought _'At least I can feel again.'_

**-------**

She had forced herself to stop in recent months, realising that when Yuna went on her voyage she would need to be in peak physical condition. Letting herself lose vast quantities of blood was not the way to reach that desired condition. So Lulu had stopped, settling instead on doing horrific things to obtain small injuries--she had frequented the boats to Luca, engaging in rough intimate acts with the Crusaders; she had allowed herself to turn into a masochist. Her inner turmoil had been transformed into a physical expression of her anguish--not uncommon of people who had experienced loss.

**-------**

Auron was muttering to her again. "Maechen tends to ramble, but he usually has a few facts, and some interesting and useful information every now and then." It hurt Lulu that he only seemed to talk to her about the formalities of their business. She wanted him to chat with her all the time, to feel that she was important enough to confide in and share humour and strategies with.

'_I suppose it is too much to ask for a little companionship,' _Lulu thought bitterly. 'Then again, this journey isn't about forging new relationships, it's about letting go of the ones that I have right now.'

It was so difficult, though--making such a monumental trip with close friends for so long--bonds were inevitable, and pain saying goodbye was also unavoidable.

Suddenly, Auron smiled her. It wasn't his customary humourless, sarcastic smile, but a genuine look filled with mirth. Lulu instantly fell in love with this side of him, when he was open and carefree. The honest happiness the glance held moved her to near tears, and her knees turned to flan instantly.

She knew she wanted to see this side of him more often, and even stronger was the want to be the one to cause it. It was a want that was almost overpowering in its fiery intensity. Lulu could happily--and readily--imagine waking up in the morning to find Auron gently smiling at her and stroking her hip.

It was all she could hope for.


	6. Beneath the Milky Twilight

Hello All! You guys should feel special--I'm skipping school, just so I can finish this next chapter for you guys! But yeah, enough of my ramblings. I hope you guys like it!

Oh yeah--there might be a bit of OOC-ness in this chapter. I tried to avoid it, but it was really hard to do.

-Kitsuko

**If Only**

**By: Kitsuko-san**

**Chapter 5: Beneath the Milky Twilight**

Auron looked at her with a sidelong glance, and nudged her with his elbow. "Come on, Miss Lulu, they've stopped talking. I think we're going to be heading back on the road to the temple within a few minutes." Lulu was stunned when he took it upon himself to hoist her pack onto his shoulder, along with his own and his katana.

A soft look passed through Auron's good eye at her dumbfounded look--she was genuinely astounded that he had decided to carry her things for her. Auron again smiled, and whispered gently in her ear. "You must be tired, and these packs get so heavy. You're also a lady--and a beautiful one--and women should never have to work." Auron's voice was filled with conviction, his beliefs obviously ringing through every word. It seemed that there was still a little bit of chivalry in Spira, after all.

Chappu had never done those things for her. Lulu admitted that she was high maintenance, and he had never pampered her like she had wanted to be. Her deceased lover had always insisted that she do just as much work as him at the inn where they were both employed, and in their household. (She had later regretted letting him work at that inn, for the Crusaders who had frequented the establishment were the ones who had first convinced Chappu to join their ranks. Though Lulu would never admit that mistake to anyone, because she had too much pride for her own good.)

Taking her time along the path, she fell into holding up the rear. _'Speaking of rear, Auron has the nicest ass I've ever seen,_' Lulu thought wickedly. She was loving the view she was getting, her eyes tugging at the corners, and a cat-like, feral grin pulling at her lips. _'Oh, I could so get used to following this man around for this trip.'_

The extreme curiosity Auron ignited in her was very uplifting for her spirits. _'I suppose I'm not as uninterested in sex as I made myself out to be, am I? It seems that you can't really feel anything unless you have the right person. I remember that Madame always said that it was impossible to find out about lust until you were in the midst of it yourself.'_

Madame had been her mentor whilst Lulu was in her training as a black mage. Both beautiful and wise, Lulu had aspired to be like her--the woman was breath taking and intelligent, she left the men panting, and the women craving to be her reflection. Her students had worshipped her, men had spent their nights pleasuring themselves while fantasizing about her, and the women of the village would always come to her for advice about relationships, sex, and magick.

Madame's calm, statuesque grace and appeal was idyllic, and desired by all who had studied under her guide. (Many of her former pupils had gone so far in their devotion as to imitate her dress from the teaching days of their beloved Madame.) Lulu hadn't gone quite that far, though she had adopted several key points into her dress, such as the sweeping neckline and flared, laced sleeves.

Dragging here eyes away from Auron's (very) attractive backside, Lulu increased her steady walk to a hasty trot to catch up to her object of interest. _'That ass is less distracting if it isn't right in front of me,' _she thought wryly. She looked at him once again and decided to strike up a conversation to pass the time.

"Sir Auron, what do you know of the Mi'hen road?" This wasn't just small talk, Lulu was genuinely interested. (She had always secretly been a history fanatic--in her spare time back in Besaid, she would wander the archives rooms for hours at a time.) The ruins of the road made her wonder of the world's past, but because she had ignored Maechen, she had missed most of the lecture.

Auron turned to her, smiled and winked. "I take it you were not listening to the historian?" Dry humour sparkled in his eyes, truly making him look ravishing in the fading twilight. Lulu hung her head sheepishly, a tiny pout forming on her full lips.

She too smiled, and winked back. "Okay, okay--I'll admit it. I was more interested in other things than a history lesson at the time." Lulu's hands laced together in atypical pleading fashion and she stared at him with misty eyes. "Please share with me what you know, Sir Auron. I really do wish to know."

A chuckle reverberated deep in Auron's throat, and he smiled at her. "Yes, Miss Lulu." With a sigh, he pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose and began the lesson. "As you know, there were the machina wars a thousand years ago." He paused at Lulu's excited nod. "There was once a great city here, that thrived, nearly as powerful and as large and lively as Zanarkand. No records recall the name of this city, but we know it was here, and all that remains are these ruins. The city was an ally of Zanarkand, and was one of the last destroyed in the war, for Bevelle feared the power it held.

"If this city had gained enough weapons, it surely would have won the war for Zanarkand. With one of its last big battles before the city of Zanarkand transformed itself into the statues of the fayth, Bevelle destroyed the city and all of its people. There were no survivors."

Lulu stood in awe at the massive amount of knowledge this man seemed to posses--was there anything his infinite wisdom didn't extend to?

**-------**

They were resting. The anti-fiend wards they had obtained in their travels had been placed around their camp as a precaution, the tents for sleeping had been set up, the bedrolls and packs dropped for the night, and a cheerful fire roared in the center of the camp. Lulu was gleeful internally--she and Auron had been assigned first watch together.

They were sitting in companionable silence, shoulders barely brushing one another as they breathed in unison. The soft sounds of the land were soothing--crickets chirped merrily and pyreflies whispered sporadically. (The soft cries they omitted as they drifted through the air were both chilling and relaxing.) The group had stopped so close to the temple that the Hymn of the Fayth could be heard minutely in the background.

Currently, the wind was in their favour, and blew the peaceful tune towards their rest stop, making the world seem at peace. Both Lulu and Auron hummed along to the tune, the words drifting through their minds. (Lulu had failed to notice that she had begun to sing along at a miniscule volume.) "I e yu e...no bo me no...re n mi ri...yo jyu yo go..." Her signing was a high, delicate soprano; it was a captivating song that spread through the air like a fine mist. The high, sweet tone made her beam, and she grinned wider when Auron's deep, mysterious baritone joined her at the next chorus.

"Ha sa te ka na e...ku ta ma e." He smiled back at her and leaned in, comfortably slipping an arm around her waist. "I...you captivate me, Lulu," Auron whispered into her ear, his lips brushing the shell, sending shivers down her spine.

The black mage was dumbstruck--both by the murmured confession and the sensation of Auron's mouth sliding against her ear. After a few moments, Lulu managed to stammer out a question. "I-I do?" She looked him in the eye, eagerly anticipating his retort.

He nodded--gently, barely perceptible, but a nod just the same--and kissed her on the cheek. "You are the most divine creature I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. You--surely you must be a fallen angel, for you are so holy, so beautiful, so awe inspiring." His gaze was penetrating, and surely one of the most powerful things Lulu had ever experienced. The whirling vortex of his chocolate orbs compelled her to lean forward.

Her breath was stolen from her lungs, the thoughts whisked from her mind--it was impossible, but her limbs seemed to be failing to respond to her commands. All she felt was him, and she was basked in his warmth. What was this terror, this excitement? This incredible rush? It was Auron. For there he was, wrapped around her, gently moving towards her--their eyes become focused on one another's lips, the magnetic pull between them undeniable.

The pull of gravity was intense, the feelings that accompanied it amazing in its power. It was as if the stars themselves destined the match to be made, twinkling their soft encouragement to the would-be lovers. She sighed, and he smiled. The arm at Lulu's waist tightened, Auron's lips only centimeters from hers. "You know, that after this, there is no going back. We can never be 'just friends' after this."

A tear slipped from Lulu's eye, and rolled down her cheek, warm and salty. "I know. I have never been so sure of anything in my life. I have known you for such a short time, but already, you seem to complete me. You make me smile like no one else has in years." She smiled, and nodded once more. "Now stop making doubts and kiss me, old man."

And he did. Their lips touched softly, parted gently as both breathed carefully. Lulu's arms entwined around his neck, and she pressed herself against him as their mouths brushed against one another. It was beautiful, perfect, heavenly. Neither had know bliss quite like this until the kiss they were enveloped in.

Lulu whimpered quietly as Auron's hot tongue prodded against the part in her lips. She opened herself against him, and allowed him to probe at her cautiously, teasingly, before caressing his tongue against hers sensuously. It was innocent, sweet, and yet oh-so-erotic. And so, beneath the milky twilight, they kissed, and for the first time in their lonely lives, two hearts connected in a way that had never been seen before.

**-------**

They slept intertwined, and her things had been moved to his tent immediately after their first kiss. She and Auron had spent the night softly kissing before retiring, her legs wound within his, and she tucked beneath his arm protectively. Lulu had not recalled a night where she had slept so soundly, her night terrors and worries banished by the simple presence of another warm being.

She woke the next morning, her lips sore, her spirits refreshed, and feeling exhilarated by the prospect of a new day with Auron. She had awoken to find him gently staring at her, his fingers sliding across her hip in a loving manner, still humming along to the Hymn of the Fayth. _'When I wished for this...who knew it would happen so quickly,'_ Lulu thought.

It was still twilight, the pink of the horizon setting their tent aglow with colours. Wind ruffled the tall grasses around the clearing, and pacific sighs of breath from the object of her affection were melodical. "Good morning, Auron," Lulu murmured to him airily. She felt as if she were floating on air from the sensations the previous evening had left with her.

"Good morning, my lady," the stoic guardian replied. His words were also light--it was as if the couple was afraid to disturb the fragile atmosphere of romance and harmony that they had created for themselves within the small, thin walls of the shelter. The stroking at her waist stopped, and the calloused, defined hand slid up her body to halt and cup her cheek. Auron turned her head towards his, her body twisting into the contact, and her chemise riding up, and kissed her soundly. It was tender, perfect, dazzling.

They pulled apart when a tentative tapping sounded on the door of their tent. Lulu's cheeks flushed, and she righted herself before belting out a shaky "Come in." Her voice trembled, and her fingers shook as she tightened the closures to her nightgown. A warm palm over her hand eased her mind, and guided her in fastening her robe.

Yuna peeked her head in through a flap, her face red as she stuttered apologies for intruding. "Sir Auron, I hadn't realised you and Lulu were sharing accommodations. But this saves me time in finding the both of you. I wanted to tell you that we shall be leaving in few minutes to head towards the temple again. I am hoping that we can make it by midday. I am looking forward to seeing the Djose Temple."

Auron coughed into his fist discreetly, while Lulu flushed and smiled faintly. Both were shocked she had noticed, and Lulu scrambled to explain her move. "Um...well, you seemed troubled in your sleep, and kept muttering. It was keeping me up, so I asked Sir Auron if I could share a tent with him for the evening." Lulu only prayed that the summoner had had bad dreams, so that her explanation seemed plausible. (She wasn't sure if Auron was comfortable revealing their newfound relationship just yet.)

The man sitting next to her gave a pointed glance, and in return, she nodded her assent for him to share. He cleared his throat and looked Yuna in the eye. "We have also decided to attempt a romantic relationship between the two of us. As a result, we adopted these sleeping arrangements, and the are permanent until further notice. We hope you can accept this, and if others ask, please explain for me. Thank you."

Yuna smiled and nodded--she understood the tumultuous desire the two felt for one another; she had observed the sparks between them from the first moment the two had laid eyes upon one another. It wasn't a shock--it was almost more of a comfort, for it seemed at least a few people could find a sliver of happiness in the tragic journey they all partook in.

"Lulu, Sir Auron, I am happy for you. If any two people are more perfect for one another, it has yet to be found or proven. May you have a long, happy life together," She said, and with those words, she exited the tent to begin their breakfast and pack her belongings.

**-------**

"She's right, you know," the black mage told her companion a few minutes later as they both dressed themselves. She grunted in exertion as she attempted to lace her corset on he own--a difficult task for any woman to accomplish. With a sigh, she turned to the crimson warrior and gave a pleading look.

Auron smiled and filed behind her to help her prepare for the day. As he laced and primped his woman, he spoke. "Right about what, Lulu? You'll have to be more specific than that; this old man is getting senile." He laughed--genuinely, lightly, but it seemed he was uncomfortable with their age difference.

She did her best not to notice it, and returned to the conversation at hand. "About us. We compliment each other pretty well, don't you think?" Lulu turned to him and smoothed back his hair in an affectionate manner._ 'Who would've thought the legendary guardian Sir Auron would get bed head,' _she giggled. It was near silent, but loud enough to draw his attention.

"What," Auron asked, "is so funny?" A mock-pout settled on his features, and he snickered inwardly as Lulu reached over and tweaked his protruding lower lip. _'Dammit,' _he thought. _'I wanted to try and seem as somber as possible, but somehow, she always manages to break that tough shell I put up.'_

"You. Now answer the question." She wasn't born yesterday, she knew when he was evading giving a response. A disapproving finger wagged in his face, a 'tsk, tsk' noise escaping her.

"Yes, mistress. We are great together. You compliment me so well, and vice-versa. Now let us go, shall we?" Auron grabbed her hand, and with a sigh, they entered into the daylight--no longer alone, and ready to face the world together.

END CHAPTER FIVE

Well, the real romance has actually started. Now comes the smut, and the drama, both of which I am highly excited about writing. That wasn't near as long as I wanted to make it, but I hated the fact that I was making you guys wait so long, so I decided to just forgo the next two sections for the next chapter. Well, hope you liked it, please review. BTW, I Still need a beta! If you're interested, please tell me in a review, IM or email. Thanks!

-Kitsuko


	7. A Note

I'm extremely sorry to disappoint all of you, but this, and all of my other works, are on hiatus until further notice.

There are good reasons for this:

XX My personal life has left me with little to no time for the actual writing of anything that doesn't suck entirely.

XX I'm just not very inspired as of late.

XX I'd like to focus on writing orginal fiction.

It comes down to the fact that I appreciate the reviews that I've gotten and the readers I've gained...I'm probably not going to work on this story anymore. So thanks so much for your support and time.

Have a nice life, all.

XoXo,

Kitsuko-san


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